a piece of my mind

So Much For Not Being Judged

There was crimson red all around. The dry leaves on the ground, which were crisp enough to break with a soft yet an attention gaining sound, painted red and yellow by the light. It was a beautiful time of the day, a placid environment, but, the mind was not so calm after all. Though the area was something to be adored, the mind was fighting its own war. The guilt, stupidity, obsession, idiocy.

It was 4:something pm, I guess, on a Sunday 2 weeks before. Nothing was coming around my way, I was flipping out, totally crushed. No job, no respect, no body on my side. I walked on the marbleless semi constructed floor with dirt all over it. I was on the verge of collapsing mentally, before taking every step forward, I had to collect myself, sober up and walk. 2 sleepless nights, yet with tantalising dreams( or maybe realities). Floored by self criticism and my incorrigible attitude of meaningless supremacy and domination.  The light heat of the sun burning my invisible scars. I walked over to the grassy region and fell with a thud.

On my knees I was, hands uprooting the innocent grass by my side. Faced up towards the sky, no one around to notice the conspicuous psychopath. And I spoke to myself, why? What had I done? Why me? Then I remembered something which I saw somewhere, couldn’t remember where though, but the lines were clear enough,

Keep trying, you will loose, yet, keep trying, you will fail, and then, if you give up, you will be remembered for the failure, and if you still do fight up and try, you will be remembered for the victory which you achieve and the taste of this victory is far better than the taste of the victory in your first attempt.

With that line in my mind, now I stand before multiple opportunities and responsibilities, waiting to take one at a time. For I do not want to be remembered for failing, but even I do not succeed I want to be remembered for trying till the end.

So much for the attitude of, “I do not like to be judged”,( for all I am now is being judged by whoever and whenever). Beaten, but not dead, and I will survive, with the strength that I get. For what doesn’t kill you, always makes you stronger.

So gather your courage, give your best. If not this, then you have the rest. And patience is something which you gain at the home stretch, along with the thought of appreciating small achievements in other’s life, spreading happiness and being loved.

By A lost Soul at Sea

a passionate writer who also happens to be a mechanical engineer and a sailor

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