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a piece of my mind

#08 The struggle within myself

Hello friends,
Sorry for being absent for 2 day. I had my exams.

Anyway, the purpose, of me writing this very article?
I have been meaning to write about something which is bothering me for quite a long time, I have lots to questions which have never been answered and I am beginning to loose the hope of knowing the answers.

I guess many of you would have these questions, or some of u might think this as nothing but a piece of crap which people tend to ask when they overthink. But, that would not stop me from writing or expressing my views. I am tired of waiting that it will change.

Why am I here? This might be a very ambiguous question, which has no perfect answer so far, but I can’t just leave it. I need a purpose, I consider that a life without purpose is futile. What is my purpose here? Here in the sense, the world, the land, as a human. What am I to do? Should I live like other creatures and species, just following the lead of nature from birth to death. Or do I have a purpose? Am I supposed to do something substantiating my preference? If so, what is it?
How am I supposed to find my purpose? Its getting late, every time I am alone, I think of my purpose, and its always nothing. A void in my mind which needs an answer. I always think that, I am meant for something great, something worth in this world. I need to make a difference, but I am not sure about how or when. All of you would have intuitions about things. Mine is strong here. I am a believer in myself.

My next question? Does deja vu really exists? I often feel like, “been there, done that” kind of feeling, and it feels weird, weird enough to creep me out. It has no specific timing or situation. I was eating in a restaurant, once I was talking to my friend, one time in an exam hall, it has haunted me even when I have a normal “how are you?” conversation. It feels really spooky, like suppressed memories. I feel I have already lived through these. Is re-living even possible. Have you ever felt this? When you are in a place for the first time, you feel like you have been there, you were present at that very place already. All the evidences shout silently that it’s an assumption, but a brutal intuitive force within you makes you to believe. And you cannot ignore it, for it is your conscience that reminds you of that every time you see it again. Making you loose your cool and peace. Yet another memory, but with a different ring to it. Any possible explanations?

Do people ever repent for their mistakes and wish to undo it by going back in time? Do they at any point of time, realize? Is it normal to never think about your deeds and stay an ignorant piece of junk or do we all, at a one point of time actually realise? I have this question because, I see some of my acquaintances doing things which is morally and ethically wrong(nothing serious, just hurting an innocent person due to mistrust), and I let go of it believing that they would realise it sometime, but they do not seem to be realising it? I realise it in few minutes if I am doing something off the hook. I swoosh back to the person who was affected and apologise. I do that and I feel really great, my question is,  do everyone feel so, even if they do not go back to apologize? Maybe they decide to live with it? Maybe they tried to undo it but ego comes in the way? Let it be any reason, All I want to know is, Do they? And if they do, why not apologise?

I sometimes feel like it’s me against the rest of the world. I am a humanly selfish person. I am a person who believes in something only If I think it is logically possible. I am a Hindu. And  I often question the presence of God. But when I am in need of something I tend to pray, why might that be? I tend to ask the almighty’s favour. And I even feel that sometimes, the things I wish for actually happens, like I am being guided. But I still cannot believe in him completely. I am an analytical person, in other words, an analyst. And this feels pretty clear. Even my parents are great believers in God. So are all my ancestors, but me? I am a little off the track. I sometimes challenge the God that, If this happens you might exist. And to my surprise. It does happen. I get startled but I doubt it to be a coincidence. I search for truth. I search for enlightenment. Hope to know.

I have been estranged by people many times. So even if I have to walk alone, I will. Not a new thing.

And if there is some one out there with questions like me. Help me. I will be glad to walk beside you.

By A lost Soul at Sea

a passionate writer who also happens to be a mechanical engineer and a sailor

One reply on “#08 The struggle within myself”

You practically told the world to tag people like you and help you . So lemme be the first to say ‘ Tag , you’re it! ‘ .
I am an over thinker too , like they call us.
For your first question , and lemme remind ya its all from my perspective , is to make a mark for yourself in this world. And i don’t mean in the range for Gandhiji , Kalam and so on. If you make the frown of a person into a smile , you my friend have made your mark .
To ur second question , sorry brother , never been there. So can’t help ya.
Next, i think 90% of the time people just don’t realize it and the remaining 10% of the time is cause that’s just how they are.
And it’s okay to question the existence of God. Every once in a while , we need a supernatural shove in our lives 😉

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