They say, patience is a virtue well learnt when one is left at the mercy of nature. I beg to differ, patience is a virtue, well learnt when one is left at the mercy of a women. I have been waiting for quite some time now, literally and metaphorically, but I cannot seem to develop patience. How can I? When I am so desperate for a touch of my past.
But, empty mind is devil’s playground and at this moment of emptiness in my life, I am the devil and the only thing I feel I am destroying, is most fortunately, myself. But sometimes, it is important to destroy something to remake it. Maybe a better version of it. I have heard of a practice in Japan/china (I do not know where exactly, but definitely one of these). A ceramic plate/dish/artwork, once shattered, if not thrown away, but joined together, using gold. Thus it looks something like the image featured (Oh yes, it’s called kintsugi, just found out when I was Googling for an image) Isn’t it wonderful? Now that I am often the centre of cluster of earthquakes, I am the ceramic plate. Shattered, it definitely is, but, will try to move on.
It is time to wear the damage as a shield, and wear it proud, as people are made by experiences and mine is one of a kind too. My friend said, “maybe you are in denial?”. I replied, “I would rather not think about it, as I am scared”, but, the sad truth is, I can never stop thinking about it. It goes way down/deep. It haunts me.
There is a fine line between denial and hope. And I am right in the centre of it.
And in the struggle to balance the scale towards hope, I am loosing myself. Though I have recently started sharing my plight with my friends, I am not an expert in sharing personal experiences, atleast verbally. These friends have been great help and I only wish I had shared sooner. But, there is a limit to everything, how far can they hold me from crossing the line? Or am I even on the line as I think, or is it way past? To say is Joey style, “the line is a dot to you…”. Sorry about that, could not resist referring F.R.I.E.N.D.S
So, take the weakness and wear it like an armour. It can no more hurt us. Now that I am suited properly for the war, I shall continue to face the battle while I progress to get my past back to present.